


but it's them they know, not me

by DreamBrother



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Danny Williams Deserves Better, Episode: s05e24 Luapo'i (Prey), Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:15:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26311744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamBrother/pseuds/DreamBrother
Summary: Lou sits up straight, his forearms pressing against his desk. "So let me get this straight. Your partner finds out that his ex-wife, the woman who dragged his daughter five thousand miles away from everything he’s ever known, that same woman has now kept his son from him for three whole years, and you tell him to take the high road? Did you really think Danny would be so busy being angry with Rachel that he’d ignore his son’s health over it?”A fix-it for 5x23, written for the 'Danny Deserves Better' challenge for the H50 Writer's Club Discord.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 30
Kudos: 226
Collections: Danny Deserves Better, H50 Writers Club Discord Challenges





	but it's them they know, not me

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the "Danny Deserves Better' challenge from the H50 Writer's Club Discord. Heartfelt thanks to lizlybear and WrittenFire for giving a draft of this a quick read which helped me break back the block - this fic wouldn't have been completed without you two!
> 
> This fic diverges from 5x23 onwards, ignoring Kono's wedding and Catherine's return etc. I see this as a follow-up to the scene with Danny and Steve at Danny's look out (the dialogue is below). 
> 
> Title from the Cat Stevens/Yusuf Islam song, 'Father and Son' ( _"If they were right, I'd agree, but it's them they know not me"_ )
> 
> Content warning: needles, blood, mention of cancer. Apologies if I get the medical stuff wrong!

** but it’s them they know, not me **

_“Do you know how many times that I've dropped Grace off? You know how many times I've picked her up, and that kid's been sitting in the room? Rachel, too, sitting there?”_

_“Danny, no matter how misguided this was…”_

_“Please, don't. Do not say anything that sticks up for this woman, okay? What she did is unforgivable, and that is the bottom line. And because of what she did, I missed out three years of this kid's life. Huh? What about that?”_

_“So what happens now?”_

_“Now. Now, I-I take care of the kid. But Rachel-- I don't know what I'm gonna do. No way I get past this.”_

_“You're right, man.”_

_“I know I'm right. Thank you.”_

_“Do me a favor-- listen to me for a second, all right? These feelings that you're having, this anger-- you gotta put it aside, that's all I'm saying. How many decisions are you guys gonna have to make, from here on in? And you and Rachel-- you got to make the decisions together. Danny, it's not gonna do Charlie any good having his parents fighting. That's all I'm trying to say.”_

_“I know that. You're right.”_

**Luapo’i (Prey) - 5x24**

* * *

Steve's epiphany, if he can call it that considering how long it takes him to realize the true message, begins at the coffee shop.

Bored and restless due to a slow day at the office, he'd grabbed Danny from where his partner had been making headway with paperwork and enticed him with the promise of Steve-bought caffeine to make the man walk the block and a half in the blazing Hawaiian sun to Steve’s favorite coffee shop near the Palace. It was a popular spot and Steve could always count on seeing a few people who worked in the building to be there as well. Having Danny along with him meant that he could always delegate the small-talk that sometimes was a necessary evil when you’re in a queue with people you nod hello to most working days of the year - his partner was always better at those sorts of conversations than Steve ever was, even though he’s improved massively in that area in the five years since he started Five-O, or rather, with Danny as his partner.

This is why he was only half-listening to Danny's conversation with Linda, one of the governor's aides. He doesn’t quite know what makes him tune back into the conversation - maybe he noticed the slight stiffening of his partner's shoulders, or the minute change in his tone, or the way his hands left his pockets only to cross his arms across his chest. Either way, he goes from perusing the pastries in the display cabinet to zoning in on what Linda is saying.

"-you’ve only got a daughter, right?”

“And a son,” Danny adds with a smile that makes Steve’s stomach clench slightly at the sight. It’s the first time he’d heard Danny refer to himself as having a son beyond the initial conversation where he’d told Steve of Rachel’s lies, and the resultant breaking of the news to the team once the case they’d been on had finished.

“Oh okay, don’t know how I missed that,” Linda replies with a slight frown before she shakes her head. “But that’s great, maybe you can tell me - was your son similar to your daughter when they were babies? Because I’m one more tantrum away from calling the hospital and asking if maybe I went home with the wrong baby!” Linda laughs and shoots a slightly nervous look at Steve at this comment, as though afraid that he’s going to arrest her on suspicion of child abandonment. “Lilly was such an easy baby - slept through the night since she was a couple of months, afternoon naps at 1 pm on the dot every single day. But Sammy, it’s like he has a personal grudge against sleep!”

Except Steve is too busy trying to stare down Danny without looking like he’s trying to stare down Danny to care about Linda’s sleep deprivation. It’s only been a couple of weeks since Danny found himself to be the father of two, which is why he’s not surprised at Danny’s next words.

“I wouldn’t know, sorry,” Danny replies, a smile more akin to a grimace on his face as he speaks, and he’s saved from any follow-up questions by a confused Linda when his phone rings.

“Take the call outside, I’ll bring the coffees,” Steve murmurs, nudging his foot against Danny’s who nods and leaves the coffee shop without any further acknowledgment of Linda.

“Did I say something wrong?” Linda asks, the look of confusion on her face lingering from the moment Danny had answered her question. “I didn’t know Detective Williams had a son.”

_Neither did he_ , Steve thinks but doesn’t voice, not wanting this piece of gossip about his friend’s life to spread around the Palace like wildfire. “It’s early days,” Steve replies instead, and Linda nods as she wrongly but understandably assumes that Charlie is a newborn and not a three-year-old with a life-threatening illness.

Five minutes and two large coffees in hand later, Steve finds Danny leaning against the wall in between the coffee shop and the florist’s next door, the phone still attached to his ear.

“-try, Rachel, alright? I’ll ask Steve, and send you a text if I can make it.”

“Ask Steve what?” Steve asks as he hands over Danny’s coffee as his partner ends the call and shoves the phone into his pocket, frowning slightly at the exhaustion he hears in his partner’s voice. He’s more used to Danny’s conversations with Rachel to toe the line between passive-aggressive and aggressive-aggressive; never has he heard his partner sound so resigned when on the phone with his ex. He’s not sure he likes this change.

“That was Rachel.”

“Yes, I figured. What she want?” Steve asks as they start walking back towards the office.

“The hospital’s had a last-minute cancellation and she was calling to ask if I can go in right now for the PBSC. ”

“The what?”

“The peripheral blood stem cell donation. They’re basically gonna take my blood out, remove the stem cells, and then transfuse it back into me. It’s the reason I’ve been going to the hospital every day for the last five days, they’ve been injecting me with stuff to increase my white blood cell count. The process takes hours, so I had an appointment booked for this evening but Rachel’s freaking out, she just wants it all done now.”

“What’s stopping you? Come on, I’ll drop you off at the hospital,” Steve replies, speeding up his walk so they can get to where the Camaro is parked. For once, Danny doesn’t complain that Steve is in a rush, and that tells him everything he needs to know about where Danny wants to be.

“What about the paperwork? What if we catch a case?” His partner offers in protest, although it’s obvious that his heart isn’t in it.

“We’ll manage, Danno, and the paperwork can wait another day. Charlie comes first,” Steve replies as they round the corner, Iolani Palace coming into sight.

“Thanks, Steve.” The look of relief in Danny’s eyes makes Steve feel like a tool for a moment, but any follow-up comment that he might have made to gauge whether Danny actually thought Steve would demand he put paperwork ahead of his son is waylaid by Danny downing his coffee like it’s a pint of beer before throwing the disposable cup into a nearby trashcan and pulling his phone out to call Rachel and update her.

An hour later, Steve knocks on the door to Lou’s office.

“What’s up?” The other man asks, looking up from his laptop. “We catch a case?”

“Nah, phone’s been quiet all day,” Steve shrugs, leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed, biting his bottom lip.

“So what? You bored and your boy’s not here so I’m the next target? I’m telling ya now, McGarrett, I am not going to the shooting range with you again. You may be a badass SEAL but I was SWAT, you ain’t gonna win.”

Steve huffs, rolling his eyes in memory of the last time he and Lou went to the range together but doesn't get drawn into a debate over shooting prowess. "So hey, I was thinking of buying Charlie a present, for when Danny brings him over to my house in a couple of weeks. What did Will like when he was Charlie's age?"

Lou leans back in his chair. "Hmm, feels like forever ago when he was that young. But from what I remember, he loved anything with wheels. Trucks, cars, trains. I think one of his best birthday presents was a remote-controlled buggy but Charlie might be a little young for that. But Will also had no problem playing with Samantha's old barbies because Renee refused to buy GI Joe's."

Steve smiles. "Speaking of Samantha, were she and Will quite similar as babies?" His smile fades when Lou quirks an eyebrow in response, a far too knowing expression on his face. Thankfully he doesn't question Steve's intentions but looks up, his eyes on the ceiling as though he is mentally sifting through his memories.

"They were as different as heaven and earth, as babies. Samantha was fussy, would be up every two hours during the night, wouldn't breast-feed, and would only drink this one brand of formula which had to be prepared a certain way. Will, on the other hand, was like a little monk in baby form. You'd plonk him down and he would not move. He didn't even crawl, he went from sitting to walking whereas Samantha, you took your eyes off her for a second and she'd be gone. Pfft, all you’d see was this cute little diaper butt rounding the corner on the way to cause mayhem.”

"Seriously? That different?" Steve asks, eyebrows knitting together at the thought.

"Oh yeah," Lou chuckles. "I like to think it's because Samantha takes after her mother whereas Will inherited my gentle and calm nature."

Steve snorts. "Yeah, gentle and calm my ass. Have you forgotten the last time I beat you on the golf course?"

"I was coming down with a cold that day," Lou frowns for a moment before his expression changes, causing Steve to shuffle his feet slightly. "This about Danny?" When Steve nods, Lou continues: "I don't know how that man hasn't dragged Rachel to court yet. I love Renee with all of my heart, but if she'd kept my babies from me for three years, I would have lost my mind."

Steve winces, which Lou immediately notices. "What?"

"I, uh, I told Danny to not be angry with Rachel. That he needs to put his anger aside and focus on Charlie's health."

Lou's eyebrows rise. "And when did you say this to him? He's only known about Charlie, what, two, maybe three weeks?"

Steve looks to the side and mumbles, repeating his words when it's clear that Lou doesn't understand him. "When he told me, okay? He called me after he saw Rachel and I went and found him. I told him then. Charlie’s sick, he doesn’t need his parents fighting."

Lou sits up straight, his forearms pressing against his desk. "So let me get this straight. Your partner finds out that his ex-wife, the woman who dragged his daughter five thousand miles away from everything he’s ever known, that _same_ woman has now kept his son from him for three whole years, and you tell him to take the high road? Did you really think Danny would be so busy being angry with Rachel that he’d ignore his son’s health over it?”

Steve straightens from his slumped position against the doorway to Lou’s office, his shoulders dropping as he unconsciously readies himself for an attack, even though Lou seems more surprised than angry. “You know what Danny’s like, he’s a hot-head. I know he’d put Charlie first but I’ve also seen how he is when he and Rachel are fighting - it won’t be good for Charlie, Grace, or Danny if he’s fighting with the mother of his kids.”

“Steve. You know Danny better than any of us. If Danny’s bone marrow doesn’t help Charlie, do you really think it’s only Charlie we’ll lose? The Danny we know now will be gone as well,” Lou says, the softness of his tone making Steve wish Lou was yelling at him instead. “He’ll blame himself for not getting a paternity test, for not being there for the only years Charlie might have, and no matter how many times the rest of us will say that this is all on Rachel’s head, he’ll never stop hating himself. And if you think he doesn’t hate himself already for not knowing Charlie was his, then maybe you don’t know your partner as well as you think.”

There's a beat of silence. “I’m gonna head out,” Steve says finally. “Can you take the lead if HPD and the Governor call?”

Lou nods, picking up his phone. “I’ll get the calls patched through to me - you go to your boy.”

“Thanks, Lou.”

Twenty minutes later, Steve parks the Camaro in front of the building he’d dropped Danny off at less than an hour ago. With a few questions and a charming smile that means he doesn’t need to use his badge, he walks into a room with loungers on either side of the room, with people of varying ages on about four of them, needles hooked into their arms, connected to machines. Most have a friend or family member giving them company.

Danny is the only one on the far right side of the room - the only one with needles in both arms, and the only one without someone sitting by his side. Steve hurries over to right at least that wrong.

“What are you doing here,” Danny mumbles, his eyes opening as he senses Steve’s presence. It’s only been just over an hour since Steve left Danny and already his partner looks much paler than when he last saw him.

He ignores Danny’s question and instead looks at the large needles disappearing into both of Danny’s arms, blood in the tubing which leads to a bag of blood and a bag filled with a yellow liquid which Steve assumes is the stem cells. A third needle is delivering saline into Danny’s system, and a rubber ball is clutched in Danny’s left fist, his hand clenching and unclenching to help the blood transfuse out of his system into the machine. To complete Danny’s submergence into medical paraphernalia, a blood pressure cuff is tied around his bicep.

“How you feeling?” Steve asks instead, looking around the room and noticing that most of the other patients have blankets covering their legs, even though the room is at a comfortable temperature. One girl, no older than fifteen, is covered up to her neck with a bright pink fleece blanket, rapidly typing away on her phone with one hand even as the other arm is hooked up to an IV.

Reaching out, he wraps his hand around Danny’s, the one not clenching the rubber ball, frowning when he feels how cool his partner’s skin is. “You cold?”

“A lil’ bit,” Danny mumbles. “‘S fine.”

“It’s not fine,” Steve replies, getting up and asking one of the nurses in the room for a blanket. When he returns with it, Danny looks nonplussed as Steve drapes it over his legs, using his fingers to tuck it under and around Danny as though he’s going to be assessed on his blanket placing skills by his training officer any moment now. “Whatcha doing here?” Danny repeats when Steve finally sits back in the chair next to Danny.

“Can’t a guy hang out with his buddy as he gets stem cells taken out of his blood?”

“Steve.”

“What do you want me to say, Danno? We’re partners. And not just at work. I spoke to Lou, he’ll field any calls.”

Danny just looks at Steve for a long moment before sighing and looking straight ahead, his eyelids slightly drooping.

“You feeling okay?” Steve asks after a minute, disconcerted that his normally chatty partner is silent.

“Slightly woozy, but ‘s okay, same as when I’ve donated blood,” Danny mumbles. “Arms feel weird, though. Might need you to drive me home after. Or I can get a cab.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Danny. Just relax, would ya? I’ve got your back.”

Danny doesn’t respond and Steve’s restlessness makes itself known in his leg bouncing up and down, his hand inching towards where Danny’s hand rests on the pillows placed under his arms. Before he can make contact, Danny breaks the silence.

“I was thinking, before you came.”

“Yeah?” Steve prompts, avoiding the temptation to say something along the lines of ‘don’t hurt yourself’. Even if he hadn’t come here after the conversation with Lou, he knew Danny’s tones well enough by now to know when their characteristic bickering and banter needed to be put to the side.

“Of all the questions I wanna ask Rachel. What were Charlie’s first words, when did he first rollover, when did he first smile, did he crawl before he walked? So many questions and I can’t even write them down, not with my arms like this.” Danny nods towards his immobile arms, his left hand clenching and unclenching the rubber ball when it beeps a warning.

Steve pulls his phone out of his pocket, opening up the notes app. “I’ll write them down, buddy, you fire away.”

Danny scoffs. “Don’t bother.”

“Why not? Those were good questions, buddy.”

“Yeah. But even if we write a hundred questions it still won't be enough. Watching Grace grow up, how much she changed day after day especially right at the beginning - there's stuff I know about her that even Rachel wouldn't know, or remember. Even if you asked me a hundred questions about Grace as a baby, there's still so much I could tell you, you know?"

How could Steve know, when the closest he'd come to feeling like a father was with the daughter of the man opposite him? How could he even begin to fathom how Danny felt, sitting there, unable to even comprehend fully what he didn't know about his son's early years.

"Danny-" Steve begins but either Danny knows what he wants to say and doesn't want to hear it, or he's too far into his own head to predict Steve's next words.

"You know, no matter how bad our marriage got, no matter how much Rachel and I hated each other during the divorce, or how badly I let her down, by not being the husband she wanted, I always thought the one thing that she never doubted was me as a father." Danny pauses, eyes closing, a grimace on his face as a wave of dizziness overcomes him for a moment. Steve is tempted to flag a nurse when his partner's eyes reopen, the blue irises vivid against his pale face. "But clearly, I was weighed, I was measured, and I was found wanting. Because if I was a great father, she wouldn't have kept Charlie from me. And maybe she's right. What kind of father doesn't recognize his own kid? I was there when he was born, I saw him so many times when I'd go get Grace and not once did I doubt Rachel. Not _once_. If I was a better father, I would have known he was mine."

Steve wraps his hand around Danny's, an instinctive reaction with no foundation in thought. "Danny, what are you talking about? You're a great father, the best father I know. Whatever reason Rachel had for not telling you about Charlie, it had nothing to do with how you are as a father. And of course you didn't doubt Rachel, because nobody could have imagined that she could do such a thing. This is not on you, buddy, trust me."

Except Steve's words seem to be falling on deaf ears as his partner doesn't acknowledge them, asking instead: "Did I tell you what she said when I asked her why she kept Charlie from me?"

"No, Danno," Steve replies softly, dreading the answer. No answer could justify Rachel's decision, and he feels a pulse of hatred grow in his chest in anticipation of whatever answer that woman had the nerve to give his partner.

"She said because of my job, because of the risks I take, she didn't want both of her kids growing up without a father. So in her eyes, it doesn't matter that I'd do anything for them, that I left everything behind for Grace. I was selfish for doing the job I do, and she thought she was protecting Charlie from me. And I don't blame her, now that I've had time to think about it."

"Danno…" Steve bites out, his throat tight as he ducks his head slightly so that Danny can't see his face.

"You know I'm right. I've been living on borrowed time even before Grace was born. I do this job knowing that on any given day some meth-head might kill me and I'll leave Grace without a father. If I was a better father, I would get a different job, a safer job, put my kids first." Danny sniffs, and the sound makes Steve look up, his stomach clenching as he sees the wet sheen in his partner's eyes. "I've thought about it, and she was right. Charlie shouldn't have to grow up worrying every day that his dad won't come home, not like what I've forced Grace to live through. We haven't told Charlie yet that I'm his father, maybe it should stay that way."

Steve has heard enough. He stands up, his hands grabbing Danny's face, his thumbs wiping away the few tears that have made their way down his partner's cheeks. He doesn't care that he is in full view of the other patients and their family and friends - he cannot let Danny carry on like this a moment longer, not if he has something to say about it.

"Hey, listen to me," Steve commands, his voice low but fierce, audible to his partner only. "You listening?" He waits until Danny nods before he continues: "I don't want to hear you blame yourself for a second longer, you hear me? You have done _nothing_ wrong. I'll say it again, as many times as it takes until you actually _listen:_ you are the best father I have ever known, and Charlie doesn't know how lucky he is that he gets to call you Danno, okay? Because his Danno is going to save his life. And you're gonna spend more time with him, and be more involved in the rest of his life, than fathers who have known their kids their entire life, okay? Rachel had no right to keep him from you, so you lay all that blame and anger on her, okay? And if you've got so much anger you gotta blame someone else, you blame me, okay?"

"You?" Danny frowns, his eyes slightly dazed. From the emotions or the stem cell donation, Steve isn't sure. "Why you?"

"Because you could have been on that plane with Rachel and Grace to Jersey and had Charlie and been a family again. But you stayed here because I got arrested. If you'd gone with Rachel, she would never have pretended the baby was Stan's, Danny. We both know that, and it's okay, you don't need to protect me from it. I've always felt guilty about it, and it's why I told you that day to put aside your anger. Because it's not just Rachel you should be angry at, it's me as well." Steve rubs his thumbs over Danny's cheekbones, reluctant to let go of his partner just yet, not when letting go might mean the beginning of Danny hating Steve for his part in all of this. "I'm sorry, buddy. You told me not to go after the governor. Maybe if I'd listened, we wouldn't be here right now."

For a moment, Danny just looks at him, his eyes hard to read even as his arms remain stationary by his side, the needles and the tubes forcing him into immobility. Steve's hands slip from Danny's face to rest on his shoulders instead.

"Steve," Danny says, his tone for once not giving away his feelings and Steve feels his muscles tighten in anticipation of Danny's words. "Let's make a deal."

"A deal?" Steve asks, confused. He glances towards the bags hanging next to Danny, noting that they're almost full. He wonders if the loss of blood and stem cells have messed with Danny's mind.

"Yeah," Danny repeats. "I won't blame myself if you don't. Okay?"

Steve blinks. "But what about-."

"No buts. I don't blame myself, you don't blame yourself. Deal?"

"Deal," Steve replies hurriedly, in case Danny comes to his senses and changes his mind. "You sure?"

Danny rolls his eyes, and Steve feels a sense of relief at this slight return to normal behavior from his partner. "Don't let it get to your head, but you were right."

"I was right?"

"Yeah. It's not gonna do Charlie, or Grace, any good if I hate their mom. What's done is done. I'm never gonna get those first years of Charlie back, but I will do whatever it takes to be around from now on, even if it means keeping things civil with Rachel. It's bad enough that Grace had to see our divorce, I don't want Charlie to have that trauma."

"You're a good dad, Danno," Steve says, squeezing Danny's shoulders before he sits down again, wrapping his hand around Danny's wrist, away from the needles.

"And you're a good partner, babe. Thank you."

"For what?"

"For always having my back," Danny mumbles, his words underscored by beeps emitting from the machines, alerting staff that the bag containing the stem cells needed to save Charlie's life was full.

Steve pauses for a moment, his next words when he sees a nurse heading towards them. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, Grace, and Charlie, Danno. Never forget that."

An hour later, after Danny's been tucked into the guest bedroom in Steve's house to sleep off the dizziness from the stem cell donation, Steve makes a phone call.

"Hey Ellie, it's Steve. Can you get me the name of the best family lawyer on Oahu?"

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in that in-between position where I can understand Steve's point of view, but at the same time, wish he'd been more sympathetic to Danny's feelings at the time. 
> 
> Upcoming: a fluff charity auction fic, and then the second-last chapter of 'darling, feel better love' which is mostly written. Thank you for your patience and support. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this fic! As always, kudos and comments are love on a platter and truly help the words flow.


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